I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
