I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
