I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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