i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
