if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize