if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
