please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
