Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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