Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think people are normalizing furries
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
