Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
