I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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