Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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