Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
