I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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