And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
