I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
