The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize