Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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