Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
