the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize