He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
