Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
