Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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