I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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