Need sex. Gaining weight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
