i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
