The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
