You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
