Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
