Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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