remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
