that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
