I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
