I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
