I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you never un-have a 4some
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
