when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
