so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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