True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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