If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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