she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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