Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
