Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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