Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
