I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
