Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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