this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
