Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
