I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
