she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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