You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.