Someone shit on the floor
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going