dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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