You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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