So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
