Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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