I CAN MOONWALK!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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