i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
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I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Pooping to opera.
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