whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
