chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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