I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
