when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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