Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
