If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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