Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The feeling are messing with the penis
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
