you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
