his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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