wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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