you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
