I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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