i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't deserve a penis
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
