STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
