why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
