just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
