I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
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Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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