I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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