I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
