More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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